Still positive? – POZ

In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, with nations starting reopening phases, some faster than others, the question “What happens now?” Or rather: “What have we learned and will continue to learn from this experience?”

One thing for certain is that the United States has had one of the worst responses to COVID-19 and is leading the way in the number of cases and deaths worldwide. However, is this a surprise given the historically negligent response of the United States to other viruses, which I assert through the expression “viral hysteria” (the socio-political reaction to viruses)?

The reality is that the United States has never been ready to handle such a rapidly spreading pathogen as SARS-CoV-2, the new coronavirus that causes COVID-19. This is especially true, given that the current administration has systematically rejected the role of science in informing politics. It could also be argued that American arrogance is playing an important role in the wide range of internal responses to COVID-19 compared to other nations.

The current response to COVID-19 is a direct result of the global activism and conversation that has already existed around HIV / AIDS, as well as preventative measures such as pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) and Undetectable Equals Non-transmissible (U = U).

As a person living with HIV and having an undetectable viral load, not only do I find myself thriving in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, but I also feel slightly perplexed more often than not by the language surrounding this virus.

This is the result of my internal processing of how to respond when asked the question “Have you tested positive already?” In the end, I’m not sure what to say.

Are you asking me about the HIV I contracted in August 2016? Or are you asking me if I tested positive for COVID-19? That I evidently survived the new coronavirus, developed antibodies and can now go out, hike, have brunch, join a trendy protest for Black Lives Matter or rightfully show solidarity with my black transgender sisters by joining them in Brooklyn to scream “Black Trans Lives Materia ”at the top of our lungs?

However, I find myself hijacked in my room because I need to work from home to earn a rental income to have a roof over my head and maintain my insurance and access to life-saving drugs.

Or do I risk eviction by joining the rent strike because we know housing insecurity has always been a reality for queer bodies, as has the inability to access insurance to pay the monthly cost of HIV drugs? Without these, what are my chances of living?

At what price am I willing to stay alive? Because when I’m asked the question “Have you already tested positive?” I feel anxious and speechless, except for the “Positive for what?” Because shame has always existed around an HIV positive state.

If people are unwilling to wear a mask to avoid the spread of the novel coronavirus, what makes us think people will wear a condom? Or not to mention taking high-cost HIV preventive drugs and a round of pharmaceutical games? Or face the reality of having a positive diagnosis for a virus the world is not prepared for, be it HIV or SARS-CoV-2?

Is this naivety a direct result of how COVID-19 has a disproportionate impact on low-income communities of color? Similar to how HIV and AIDS have historically affected these communities as well? And is that why the Trump administration is turning a blind eye to COVID-19? Because we all know, especially those of us living with HIV right now, that we are fighting to live in a for-profit healthcare system.