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When Jess * was 11 weeks pregnant, she got into a fight with her boyfriend, Robbie *, who went wild and beat her up. Jess had suffered a previous miscarriage and was terrified of losing another baby.
“I couldn’t do it again,” says Jess. “The idea of losing another baby to a decision made by Robbie was really traumatic for me.”
He decided to have a checkup at his local hospital and while there, he confided the abuse he had suffered to a health care worker. “I asked for help to make Robbie understand that what he was doing was wrong,” he says.
The case was referred to childcare services and the couple agreed to embark on the For Baby’s Sake program, which works with families during pregnancy to break the cycle of domestic abuse and give children a good start in life.
The charity says one in five children in the UK experience domestic abuse. It can have a devastating impact on the rest of their life. Children who experience it are more likely to develop mental health problems and substance abuse, struggle in school, and have an abusive relationship later in life.
Robbie and Jess’s daughter is healthy and happy; Robbie has a job and hasn’t taken drugs in months (he’s been tested for the job); the couple has a stable relationship; and there has been no domestic abuse since. “I used to be an idiot,” says Robbie. “Having a daughter who relies on me means that I can’t continue doing the things I did before. I’ll make sure her childhood is different from mine growing up with drugs and abuse. “
Lockdown could have been a stressful time; the couple was launched along with a new baby, but they both enjoyed the experience. Says Jess, “Robbie has worked so hard on himself as a person and as a parent. Now, arguments are rare and if we have one it takes away, which it has never done before ”.
Beginning with Hertfordshire and London in 2015, the program then expanded to Cambridgeshire and Blackpool. All four projects are funded through close partnerships with local government and other charities. To participate, both parents must want to be involved in the child’s upbringing and the mother must give consent.
It works by teaming each parent with a practitioner, often a professional who has worked in areas like probation or childcare, who accompanies them through weekly one-hour sessions that last until the child is two years old. Topics include examining past trauma and abuse, building self-esteem and parenting skills. Safeguarding is a top priority and there are regular meetings with other public service professionals who work with the family.
Many of the participants had complicated lives, with high rates of mental illness and adverse childhood experiences, such as domestic abuse and addictions in the family. A recent evaluation by King’s College London found that only a third of families received a social assistance contribution in the two-year phase, compared to 70% when they joined the program. And most tend to keep it; only 10% of families who joined in 2019/20 withdrew. Although many co-parents have joined in a relationship, around 70% have chosen not to stay together by the end of the program.
The most recent project started in January in Blackpool, where Jed Docherty, team manager and qualified child protection social worker, believes it is absolutely necessary. “Blackpool has a large population of people with complex needs in terms of physical and mental health, employment, poverty, intergenerational cycles of abuse,” he says. The city is the most disadvantaged area in England and 63% of Blackpool’s children in need have had domestic violence as a factor, compared to 50% nationwide.
Docherty also welcomes the project’s focus on men’s inclusion and co-parenting. Having worked with children and families for 28 years, he had always been bothered by the absence of men in that area. If the dads were at meetings, they didn’t think anyone cared what they had to say. “For a long time, the services treated the symptoms and not the causes,” he says. “For Baby’s Sake was a different way of including men and influencing their thoughts and behaviors.”
The project has already yielded results. A family expecting a child was referred to the team soon after the start. The mother had already had three children removed from social services and did not want to suffer the pain of losing the fourth. “I needed to settle down for my kids,” he says. “This was my last chance.”
After birth, the mother and child were placed in a family assessment unit where the father was not allowed to visit. Two practitioners worked separately with their mom and dad. Shortly before the lockdown was imposed, the family moved in together after the risk of abuse, which had been a problem along with a history of heroin abuse, decreased.
After a nervous start, both mother and father remained loyal to For Baby’s Sake. Their baby is still with them and now they also have virtual contact with their other children.
“Things have changed a lot,” says the father. “I’ve been drug-free for years; I am a different person. “He grew up around domestic violence and was placed in custody, which he admits impacted his adult life, years of which were spent in prison. He doesn’t want the same for his son.” I want him to grow up in a stable home. “he says.” I want to stay drug-free and work on my behavior and work on it [sic] problems.”
* names have been changed
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