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Vincent had survived resuscitation but nightmares brought him back again and again, like a patient sentenced to life in prison. Suddenly he felt syringes penetrate his body, the caregivers turned him over on his stomach, deafened by the aggressive “beeps” of the alarms. In May, one month after his return home, in Villeneuve-d’Ascq, near Lille (North), this innovation consultant is no longer able to chase his obsessive anxieties. “I said to myself, at 40 brooms, I don’t recognize myself anymore. “
The diagnosis is made, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a psychiatric disorder linked to a traumatic event, the result of a brutal confrontation with death. If 33% of the patients followed at the Lille hospital, during the first wave, found themselves in psychological distress, after the diagnosis 7% developed, a month later, the same Vincent syndrome.
“As much impact as during major natural disasters”
This is what we have learned from a study by the University Hospital of Lille, carried out with the National Center for Resources and Resilience, which we are revealing. “Using questionnaires and telephone follow-ups, we measured the mental impact of Covid on 180 patients, treated in consultation, hospitalized or admitted to intensive care. And now we realize that the rate of post-traumatic stress is equal to that during major natural disasters, ”explains psychiatrist Mathilde Horn.
After the Sumatran tsunami in 2004, between 6 and 13% of the population suffered from PTSD and about 9% after the Japanese earthquake in 2011. “In Lille, the most affected are patients with a psychiatric history and those who have gone through ICU, hence the need for therapy, says the doctor. Some, in good health, found themselves exposed to death overnight, suddenly realized their vulnerability . It’s extremely violent. “
Cruel yoyo between life and death
Vincent, in good shape despite being slightly overweight, never imagined Covid would send him to hell twice. When he takes it in early March, the diagnosis is even ruled out. No loss of smell, taste or respiratory ailments. But these spiders attack him, a sign of a delusional fever, 40 ° C for 8 days, taking him to the hospital where he tested positive.
“Cosmonaut caregivers were setting up many Covid beds, it was the beginning of the epidemic. I was one of the first young patients, ”recalls Vincent, naturally calm until he ran out of air, a sign that his condition was getting worse despite the dose of medication. 3 liters of oxygen, now 6, still not enough. Quick, intubation, coma on March 27. “Shortly before, I texted my partner: I may not wake up, I love you.“
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From his first stay in the beam, fragments of sentences still resound. Deep asleep, he hears the nurses discussing his condition, turning him on his stomach, a sign of acute respiratory failure. ” They said, Better him than me, it’s hard to die at 40 », Loose Vincent, specifying at the beginning, so as not to blame them,« they too need to decompress, even if it is difficult to feel it ». In the midst of the cars you hear “go”, then “return”. He is saved! The next day, his condition deteriorated again! Back in real life, cruel yoyo between life and death.
Obsessed with the virus
After ten days in a private hospital, Vincent returned home, 12 kg less, barely standing, “destroyed”. “I was abandoned, I could have recovered”, he confides in a terrible mistake. Fortunately, a pulmonologist will join him and help him get back on his feet during the long tough weeks. The body is better, the mind falters. Vincent thinks back to his face to face with death. Did it have a shape, a color? “No, a bitter taste,” he hisses. It went very quickly, I told myself I didn’t say goodbye, I didn’t leave any money, I leave everyone in the m … “He stops, starts crying.
At first, at home, he feels guilty, he is also afraid of infecting his son, his partner because, at that moment, the caregivers, not knowing this virus well, are unable to tell him if it is still contagious. So he scrubs everything with bleach, buys a watch, a fortune, “to measure his blood oxygen level”, devours information on Covid.
Go ahead, relive, forget
“I was disgusted by the jealousy of the other patients we saw in the relationship rehab center. Why could they have gone, they and not me? “Out of modesty, the couple does not trust in their own suffering, wanting to protect themselves at all costs.
When in May he is finally offered a psychological follow-up from the University Hospital of Lille, it is too late, Vincent wants to move on, relive, forget. Although during this second birth he remains obsessed with the virus, he has taken control of his life, his work, his sport, until he lost 25 kg, away from his previous body. “Today I take care of my son, I am happy,” she said, “I love life and I love myself.”
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