A news sent by Reuters this morning confirmed that St. Nicholas of Myra – more commonly known to the general public as Santa Claus – was taken hostage by the former employee of the Grotto, Badboy Trixie Cranberry, who, according to unconfirmed news, sent a complete list of his requests to the North Pole government.
Among those requested, it is believed that Cranberry – thought to have converted to radical Islam last February according to Fox, but which could actually be Russian according to CNN – requires 1 BTC as a ransom payment, promising in exchange for immediate release of Santa Claus in safe hands to allow the orderly resumption of Christmas.
Responding to the apparently confused mumbles of hostage negotiators who initially responded to this "The redemption seems a bit cheap for us, friend, did you understand those numbers?", Cranberry answered "This was fucked on May 20th this time last year, buddy, that I lost with my fucking money in all these fucking Ico."
Sources close to the Cranberry family have confirmed that they have effectively invested in at least three ICOs during 2018. "One was a scam, one was a joke and that actually looked like a real fucking business – it was a real address and phone number, like – closed after a phone call from Da Fackin & # 39; SEC" , said his wife Casandra in a conversation with ICOExaminer on Telegram this morning. "You can not do this shit," she added, "Although it turns out that most of it was actually."
When asked if her husband could be happy to accept the ransom in any other cryptocurrency other than Bitcoin, Casandra replied: "Fink is quite a bit of Ripple data, just fing is," I could not make it work "is MetaMask."
The negotiations between Cranberry and the North Pole Serious Crime team seem to have reached a stalemate, however, as the Artic Circle authorities do not seem to want to spend the necessary funds to release Santa Claus, potentially putting Christmas celebrations at risk of more than two billions of children all over the world.
"Friend, every penny we have, we put in XYO" said a government spokesman who asked to remain anonymous, "And when we say we will have HODL, we believe we will be HODL, especially now that they have taken that partnership with SpaceX."
At the time of writing, the redemption address of Santa & # 39; s BTC remains free of funds, although the same Santa Claus – deemed to be of Greek origin but somehow speaking with an American accent these days – is apparently in good spirits, despite Cranberry's claim to be prepared to wait for the situation for as long as necessary to meet its demands, adding "If I can wait for the main sale of EQUI ICO, believe me, guys, I can wait for anything."